When things are falling into place, the people we love are doing well, and we have something wonderful to look forward to, gratitude seems to come naturally.
We might even find ourselves saying, "Life is good!"
But what about those other days?
The ones when something you've been looking forward to falls through. When you've worked hard for something that doesn't happen. When someone disappoints you, circumstances change unexpectedly, or life simply refuses to cooperate with the perfectly reasonable plan you had in mind.
You know those days. The ones when someone cheerfully suggests you should count your blessings, and you're thinking, "Could I just be annoyed for five minutes first?"
I think we've all been there!
And while I believe there's tremendous value in practicing gratitude, I also believe we need to make room for something we don't talk about quite as often.
Sometimes gratitude isn't easy.
And that's okay.
We Can Feel More Than One Thing at a Time
Here's something I've come to appreciate over the years. We don't have to choose between being grateful and being disappointed. We can be thankful for the people in our lives and still feel hurt by something someone said. We can appreciate our work and still have days when we're frustrated, overwhelmed, or questioning whether we're where we want to be. We can love our lives and still wish certain parts of them looked different.
One feeling doesn't cancel out the other. Yet sometimes we put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves to find the positive in every situation.
We tell ourselves we shouldn't complain because other people have it worse. We remind ourselves of everything we have to be thankful for. We try to move past disappointment before we've even had a chance to understand what we're feeling.
But gratitude isn't a competition. And it certainly isn't a requirement to pretend we're happy about something we're not. There's a difference between being grateful for an experience and finding something to appreciate within it.
And I think that distinction matters.
The Things We Couldn't See at the Time
I remember accepting a professional opportunity that I truly believed was going to be everything I'd been working toward.
It was exciting. It was challenging. It felt like the next big chapter in my career. And for a while, it was wonderful.
Until it wasn't.
Over time, I began to realize that the environment wasn't what I'd hoped it would be. The excitement that had initially surrounded the opportunity gradually gave way to something very different. I found myself questioning a decision I'd once been so confident about.
Have you ever been there?
When something you were absolutely certain was the right move turns out to be anything but? I'll tell you, it's not exactly the moment when gratitude comes rushing to the surface!
But here's where the story gets interesting.
While I was navigating that experience, circumstances were changing somewhere else. Relationships I'd built over the years had remained strong, and an opportunity eventually emerged to return to an organization I'd previously left.
Only this time, things were different. The organization had undergone significant changes. The circumstances that had contributed to my original decision to leave were no longer the same.
And neither was I.
I returned with a different perspective, a greater appreciation for the relationships I'd built, and a clearer understanding of the kind of environment in which I wanted to work.
Would I have chosen to go through that difficult experience?
Probably not.
Would I wish it on anyone else?
Absolutely not.
But do I appreciate the perspective I gained, the relationships that remained, and the opportunities that eventually followed?
Without question.
And that's the distinction I've come to recognize.
We don't have to be grateful for something that hurt us, disappointed us, or challenged our confidence to appreciate where life eventually led us. And that's the distinction I've come to recognize.
We don't have to be grateful for something that hurt us, disappointed us, or challenged our confidence to appreciate where life eventually led us.
Sometimes the opportunity we thought was going to change everything isn't the opportunity that ultimately does. And sometimes, what looks like going backward is actually moving forward with a whole new perspective.
What If We Don't Have to Find the Good Right Away?
I wonder how differently we might experience life's disappointments if we stopped expecting ourselves to immediately turn them into lessons.
What if we allowed ourselves to say, "This isn't what I wanted," without feeling obligated to follow it with, "But I'm grateful because..."?
What if we trusted that perspective might come later? Or that it might not come at all? There's something freeing about allowing an experience to be what it is before deciding what it means. And perhaps that, too, is part of living intentionally.
We can acknowledge our emotions without letting them make every decision for us. We can be disappointed without becoming permanently discouraged. We can appreciate what's still good without pretending everything is wonderful. We don't have to have it all figured out today.
Sometimes the most intentional thing we can do is give ourselves permission to be human.
One Intentional Step
This week, I'd like to invite you to think about an experience that didn't unfold the way you hoped.
It doesn't have to be something painful or deeply personal. Maybe it was a missed opportunity, an unexpected change, or simply a plan that went completely sideways.
Now, with a little distance, consider:
Has the way I see that experience changed?
Did anything meaningful emerge that I couldn't recognize at the time?
And if nothing comes to mind, that's okay, too.
This isn't an exercise in finding a silver lining where one doesn't exist. It's simply an opportunity to notice how our understanding of life can evolve as we move through it. And if you're in the middle of something difficult right now, perhaps your intentional step is even simpler. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without adding the pressure of having to be grateful for it.
You can appreciate your life and still have a hard day.
Continue the Conversation
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Have you ever experienced something that felt like a disappointment at the time, only to recognize something meaningful about it years later?
You know the saying, "Thank God for unanswered prayers"?
Maybe that experience changed your direction, introduced you to someone, or helped you discover something about yourself. Or perhaps you've learned that gratitude doesn't always mean finding something positive in a difficult situation.
Sometimes it simply means appreciating what remains, even while acknowledging what hurts.
We don't always recognize the gifts life leaves us until long after the moment has passed.
And sometimes, we don't need to recognize them at all. We just need to keep living, keep learning, and allow our perspective to change when it's ready.
Until next time…
Grant yourself a little grace.
Trust yourself a little more.
And take one intentional step.
Be well,
Mary-Anne
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